Title: Touched by Eternity
MPA Rating: Not Yet Rated
Director: Marcis Lacis
Starring: Andris Keiss, Ivars Krasts, Edgars Samitis
Runtime: 1 hr 35 mins

What It Is: A loser known simply as Fatso lives in a humble trailer. One night, as he’s preparing his nightly feast of yeast—yes, he eats raw yeast for its supposed “health” benefits—he’s accosted by some strange and unsavory individuals. These nefarious, possibly homosexual strangers claim to be vampires—or might be vampires. They want Fatso to join them, not just in any role, but as the right-hand man to the head of their organization. But is that something this slovenly man even wants?

What We Think:I didn’t realize it was possible to make a vampire movie so uninteresting. It’s all just so boring. Fatso isn’t a likable character, and the two best characters largely disappear during the third act. While the film is visually interesting and features a hypnotic score, these elements would shine if I could manage to stay awake through it. I will say, in its goofier moments, the film breaks from the snail’s pace that Lacis keeps throughout. This was the first time at Fantastic Fest that I truly felt like I wanted to leave.

Our Grade: D+, It is just so boring. It’s inexcusable for a vampire flick to be this uninteresting. I’m really not sure who the audience for this is—it was simply stunning how inept it felt. I can’t recommend this film. The main issue stems from its identity, or rather, its identity crisis. It doesn’t know who it’s for. It lacks mass appeal and wasn’t well-made. Sadly, this is one to skip. The only thing saving it from total failure is its darkly beautiful cinematography. As I said, skip this—I don’t see it as worthy of your time.