Title: Blonde
MPAA Rating: NC-17
Director: Andrew Dominik
Starring: Ana De Armas, Julianne Nicholson, Xavier Samuel
Runtime: 2 hrs 47 mins

What It Is: Based on the novel by Joyce Carol Oates this is an examination of legendary actress and sex symbol Marilyn Monroe. This fictionalized chronicle focuses on Marilyn, her childhood struggle for a mother and the many loves and losses in her life. Written for the screen by director Andrew Dominik this lens, though not based in fact offers an alternate universe to the moment we may truly never know about a woman who spent a lot of her time in the limelight.

What We Think: What in the blue hell was this movie? Let’s start with the BLOATED runtime. 167 minutes? Are you kidding me? This was a two-part miniseries in the ’90s and it should’ve freakin’ stayed there. What an awful, disgusting film. It isn’t disgusting in the way you’d assume. I’m by no means a prude what is disgusting is the absolute perversion of the legacy of Marilyn Monroe whatever that was before or after this. Andrew Dominik for his part is sloppy and borderline negligent behind the lens not to mention whatever in gods name this script was. Ana De Armas god love her (and for the record I LOVE her) is miscast and her underlying natural Cuban accent comes out in various part. This is less My Week With Marilyn and more Showgirls. That comparison is sad and sadly accurate, to me. It’s a beautifully shot film THAT IS THE SAVING GRACE OF THIS FILM. Shot selection…not so much.

Our Grade: D-, Ham-fisted and not worth your time. This is perhaps, the biggest disappointment of the year. So much potential squandered. I mentioned on our podcast, which you should be listening to if you aren’t, that this was a huge disappointment. This isn’t the worst movie of the year…not by a long shot, but it is an absolutely terrible piece of cinema and a gross misrepresentation of the films subject, who I should mention, WAS A REAL PERSON. Skip and skip it hard.