Title: The Nun
Rating: R
Director: Corin Hardy
Starring: Taissa Farmiga, Demian Bichir, Jonas Bloquet
Runtime: 1 hr 36 mins

What It Is: In this Conjuring universe spin-off set in the year 1952, young nun Sister Victoria (Charlotte Hope) is pursued by an evil nun-demon within a haunted Romanian monastery and consequently hangs herself. Following the apparent suicide, nun-to-be Sister Irene (Farmiga) and Father Burke (Bichir) are recruited by the church to investigate the horrors that lurk at the monastery, along with the help of the French-Canadian Frenchie (Bloquet).

What We Think: Here’s some complete transparency on my part: I went into this film completely expecting a nice little air-headed time, maybe steal some laughs (at the movie’s expense). I did not expect to be scared. I did not expect to be blown away. And you know what? Damn me for going into any film whatsoever with any sort of large presumptions, for it would not be fair for me to judge any film whatsoever before I’ve even seen it.

That being said that is exactly what I expected!

It’s not exactly the job of any Hollywood horror movie, especially one from the Conjuring series, to break any new ground and be experimental or bold. Or good. Like every other commonplace little scary movie, this flick was a successful, simplistically written, mind-numbing jumpscarefest. If you’re hankering for something silly and nonsensical where characters make stupid decisions that only characters in horror movies make or find things appearing and then disappearing titillatingly spooky, then congratulations, I’ve got just the factory movie for you. To its credit, some of the camerawork was good, framing was interesting, and set pieces were cool, but overall, it felt like wandering slowly through a haunted house with all the cliche scares you could think of, with one wee exposition-dump of a scene after another until we’ve finally reached our nice little run-of-the-mill climax.

Our Grade: D+, Overall flat in its predictable delivery, forgettable trope characters, and dawdling and convenient story, all I can say is what else could we have expected? You don’t go in looking for anything great, even good in these mindless flicks. See it or not—there’s no risk here. Thus, no risk at the theater: you know what you’re getting and you get what you pay for. Boo.