Title: Chronically Metropolitan
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Director: Xavier Manrique
Starring: Shiloh Fernandez, Mary-Louise Parker, Ashley Benson
Runtime: 1 hr 30 mins

What It Is: Writer Fenton (Fernandez) has returned home after a self-imposed exile. That exile was AFTER he wrote a highly-acclaimed and equally reviled piece for New York Magazine. In it, he essentially eviscerates everyone he knows with words. At the same time, his father Christopher (Chris Noth) has had an accident while being unfaithful to his wife, Fenton’s mother Annabel (Parker) which at this point is academic of their relationship. Fenton’s ex Jessie (Benson) is about to get married while an old school friend John (Josh Peck) is dating his sister Layla (Addison Tomlin). Now Fenton has a new story brewing with all his insecurities and neuroses firmly in place.

What We Think: This movies self-interest and pretention is so high that my feelings were literally hurt. There are no redeeming qualities to any of the characters and they’re just terrible people. At no point does the film pulls its head nor it characters heads out of its own anus. From a cinematic perspective, there’s nothing here but flat uninspired acting. No one has any life to them and the film comes off as characters on a page rather than real life people and for the situation, they’re in that doesn’t make sense.

Our Grade: D+, This is perhaps one of 2017’s worst piece of garbage. It’s not totally without some semblance of thought but it’s all just too much to take seriously. Given how seriously it takes itself. For this, I cannot fail it as it’s competently shot and isn’t mechanically flawed just structurally. Also, why is the pacing so slow to the point where it’s just a total bore. There’s deliberate pacing and then there’s this boring thing. Skip it at all cost!