Title: 50 Shades of Grey
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Sam Taylor-Johnson
Starring: Jamie Dornan, Dakota Johnson, Eloise Mumford
Runtime: 1 hr 50 mins

What It Is: Anastasia Steele (Johnson) is helping her friend Kate (Mumford) out by doing an interview with the enigmatic Christian Grey (Dornan) almost immediately Mr. Grey’s interest is sparked the mousy Anastasia. He’s drawn to her and he’s going to do whatever it takes to have her. You see Mr. Grey’s tastes are a little…unique. Where others would ask to take a woman out Mr. Grey wants to keep Anastasia in and takes her to his “Playroom” where various BDSM acts take place. Mr. Grey is looking for a submissive and Anastasia looks to be the perfect person for the task especially given the attraction he has to her that he cannot describe.

What We Think: Color me unimpressed, but all 50 shades of this film stink. From the bland and cheesy dialogue to the outrageous faux sexiness not of it really matters, nor hits. Dornan is flat and one note the entire time. Never is there a smile, never is there any semblance of emotion. Dakota Johnson may have been trying to make this script work, but her character isn’t explored near enough, and it makes her so uninteresting and causes apathy towards her. Lastly the ending is one of the worst endings to a movie I’ve seen in a long time. I won’t give it away, but it’s awful and you’ll hate it and then you will hate yourself for having spent 2 hrs and ten dollars on this terrible movie.

Our Grade: D-, If there’s a worse film to make 80 million dollars this year I will be completely shocked. I can understand why the film was made, but shame on the screenwriters for a poor effort, and even more disdain for Sam Taylor-Johnson’s “direction” which is almost more like babysitting a camera while the actors say lines in front of it. It is incomprehensible to the nth degree, and the most unsexy “sexy” movie you’ll ever witness. Certainly a skip even for fans of the books.