Review The Great Wall

Title: The Great Wall
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Director: Yimou Zhang
Starring: Matt Damon, Tian Jing, Willem Dafoe
Runtime: 1 hr 43 mins

What It Is: When mercenaries in search of elusive black powder are imprisoned in China they are forced to assist with the defense of the countries greatest feature The Great Wall. You see the wall is being attacked by reptilian creatures and two of the mercenaries, William (Damon) and Tovar (Pablo Pascal) are made warriors under the watch of Commander Lin Mae (Jing) but all is not what it seems on the wall and the lizardous enemy is far crafty than these European may have thought.

What We Think: What the actual eff is this? Why is Matt Damon in here? I mean sure perhaps he can bring some star power for the international market but domestically it was a weird choice. Why did and would anyone pay money to see this? There’s nothing short of really bad performances from a rather talented cast. They manage to waste a guy like Pedro Pascal, Willem Dafoe and Andy Lau. Yimou Zhang is a talented director there can be no doubt about that but here he really just does get much. Let’s not even talk about the god-awful CGI! The wall lizards look like absolute crap. There’s some really terrible rendering and it hurts the film so much.

Our Grade: D-, I really hated this movie and several times I felt ready to fall asleep right there in the comfy theater loungers. Here’s hoping another really bad reimagination of history does not hit our cinemas anytime too soon. Not only does it not benefit the audiences but if it’s going to be like this it just really sucks. Perhaps just stick to a more accurate adaptation of history, or even a much better movie altogether.

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